rotting at home :D

today is like monday still got like 6more days to school start. nothing much just missing jeremy badly and love him to the maximum until no words to say. morning as usual follow mother go eat breakfast and then wait for eaden to end school. after that headed back home rest after that then wait for my sister siew yen to end school. so today nothing stay at home and rest. other than that nothing else i can do at home facebook, blog watch show and nothing else. really very bored but when school start i think i want to sleep already. because too use to at home already. how ? how ?! but never mind this kind of things can overcome slowly. as long as i got things to do can already just so call waste my 2years in higher nitec doing nothing, depend on how i perform.

happy anniversary my dearest heartheart :D

firstly HAPPY 16TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY to jeremy ong bee teck and me (wendy low li chin) :D last long forever and love you forever. this month never celebrate because no money and don't know go where and is like 7pm he going to book in for camp already. so i decide not to spend money and just spend time with him i will be very happy already. today nothing much meet him about 3plus go whitesand after that go downtown to walk walk and then go to his house. very sad his father at home so ya, he should know what i mean. *Laugh. but we have enjoy ourselves. after that about 6plus went to whitesand to eat subway for our dinner. then he book in already will be seeing in a week time. take train to boon lay to meet my mum as she is at my third aunt house. i reach jurong point around 8plus then waited for my mum for like a few minute and went to fair price to buy some stuff and headed back home. one more week to go to school start.

100 centenary marching training :D

morning wake up damn early to go for the 100 centenary marching training. i was disappointed that i cannot be a contingent commander quite sad. but what to do my life is just sucks. firstly is the friends of shuqun awards at first thought is i am the only who take how i know at the end of the day is sharon and tracy have it too. i was like what the hell. they only like contribute in girl guides and young adult leader super little. and they is like standing the same position as me, i was damn piss off. but what to do they will once very close to teacher. for me is i need to damn hard to get what i want. people is just like don't need to work that hard also can stand the same place as you. can't you feel that it is just unfair to the one that put in alot of effort. aren't they are like shy or what that they really deserve it at all. they are no longer a young adult leader and they keep let the guides to called them YA they are not shy at all ? they are just very thick skins. but what to do my lucky is always like a piece of shit. where got people will bother about me at all. just only jeremy and no one. my family i don't whether is it a family. no one will know what is my life and how i feel. because most of my friends that are around me are must more fortunate then me, whatever they want they will have it. if not they have a bunch of good friends that will care for them. to me what is friends to me ? i really don't know, sometime don;t even know how to trust a friend. because i scare to get hurt like what happen to me and tracy. it been quite a number of year friendship can say more like sister. and now we have not been talking since last and things have change. so how heart pain i am. no one know, and i really want to let go. but how ? really it need to take time to forget. really very sad and she just treat it as nothing happen at all. because she just don't even bother about me, now she got alot of friends so lose 1 or 2 friends also never mind. to me really mean alot, but what to do people just don't care about our friendship whatever for keep like want to find a time to talk things out. but now i see don't need already. just forget this fucking friendship and all the memories that i have with her. just don't want to keep anything that belongs to her. after the 100 centenary marching training went to meet jeremy at pasir ris because planning to go to his house and sleep. after that night time then go eat dinner and meeting eugene later to eat dinner. it have been very long never see him already. not miss him, is just only that to me he is really a friend that is on in anything and he will be the joker of the day. that why i always say i love my nitec life the most. because really make quite a number of nice friends. never regret go to ITE at all. so today meet jeremy later then last week. because there are alot things need to finals because the actual day is next week already. alot of things need to be done.but actually is not my problem because i not involve in it. just do saka warrant, so nothing much to prepare. so i will just fuck it, maybe also don't even bother to go for the actual day. but just be't even because of the PNA point if not i don't even bother. i really good at enduring things. like how i endure my promoter job. i will do what i need to do and i will not bother others things. because i myself know what i will be doing and don't be a kpo to like want to do this and that.

girl guide training :D

morning as usual follow mother go bring little boy and eat breakfast. after that headed home, sister today never go school because parents meeting. so slack at home until about time to go shuqun girl guide training for  speech day. very unhappy because need to face sharon and tracy but lucky i look after the speech day girls and then they go train the guides that are not involve in the speech day doing marching too. but what to do, life is just nothing but unfair. never mind, just do my part can already don't need to bother on how people think about me. today speech day not bad, but still got room of improving. i have train my best to train them already hope they will learn and remember by heart. hope to see they will be improving and not to give up on guiding. our friendship seem to end already, i don't mind with it actually. because it seem to be everyone is saying is my fault fine with it. i don't even care at all. they to me is just nothing, only my seniors and nothing. seem they want to be like this then let it be. do i seem to treat me transparent then i will just treat them nothing to me. even though we have been like so call friend like for a few years already, i think so. but to me is just nothing only lose a friend, not my life. so to me is just nothing, since when i was small until now also don't have any true friend. so is like to me i got friend or not i don't even bother. last time i do, but now if people want to make friend i will okayy. will last long, don't even know at all. after guides training end went to plaza singapura to meet priya to buy some art material and then it is like very rush. because i meeting jeremy and i was like late about 30minutes. really very sorry my darling, i will try to meet you early next time okayy ? don't be angry with me okayy ? loveeeeee youuuu always :D

missing him right now :D

nothing much just normal, follow my mum early the morning go bring little boy eat breakfast. after that headed home, waited for my sister to end school go bring her. if not she will come back home herself depend on us. same thing missing jeremy ong bee teck to the maximum really can't wait to see him. i really scare i will neglect him once my NDP training start.i know he can understand but i will still feel bad no matter wait. finally he booking out tomorrow endure 1 more day.

life..

morning follow my mum go bring little boy and he never go to school. then we will like waited for him about 1hour and then came to the bus stop. never mind, then headed back home.about coming to 3pm went to shuqun for speech day training. as i helping mama liang to look after the guides and also train their marching. today training not that bad but they still need to improve their marching. to me is still not good because my marching standard is also very high. so sometime i just want to let them be prefect. am i doing the wrong things ? sometime i really don't know whether am i doing right or just want to show people that guides is only doing girl girl thing they also can do the hard training. i really have no idea, is it my problem or the guides member problem ? just hope all the training can be successful and they can have the feel of happiness when they are in guides meeting. i just don't like people who chose CCA because of CCA points and just anyhow chose. and then at the end of secondary school life they just regret joining the CCA that they have during secondary school. i just to train the guides to be a better person and really learn and know what they doing during the guiding life. like this at least when go ITE, POLY, JC or whatever school. when your friends will like ask what CCA you are in and what have you learn from your CCA. those people who don't know like the CCA they will just say how bad is the CCA and make it like from vitamin to culprit. after that about 6plus 7pm my dad came back home. he went to collect CDAC gifts, and the vouchers that he get is like ending tomorrow so only today we got time then we decide to go today after my sister tuition. so we like have $100 vouchers of BATA shop + POPULAR. so headed to jurong point to buy school shoe for my sister and go popular to buy stationary and whatever things that we need.  headed back home, reach about 9plus 10pm home. that end of my day. and today i miss jeremy waiting for him to book out on friday. 

missing him right now :D

today as usual again wake up early the morning follow my mum went to bring little boy, after that headed back home and rest. while waiting for my sister to end school. because my mother planning to bring them go library. when my sister reach home, ask her whether she got homework. then she got homework, after finish then went to library. about 4plus we reach library taking some of the book to read. stay there until about 6plus then leave the library headed back home. that end of my day.

book in :D

afternoon went with my mum go fetch my sister from tuition and then go eat our lunch. after that headed to jurong point to top-up ez-link. then went to take train to meet jeremy. so i reach paris ris about 3plus and headed to his house and slack until about 6plus went to eat our dinner at his market and then headed back to his house. he had change and prepare to go pasir ris for his book in about 8pm. even though time passes very fast and our weekend had ended. i am worry about when my NDP training starting soon i scare i got less time with him. how ? i really don't know what to do.

Royston's 22 birthday :D

i am really very sorry to jeremy for letting him waited for me so long. i really don't mean anything at all. thanks you for buying me KOI to drink even though not bad but is you buy the so is always very sweet even though  is bitter. after that thinking of what to eat and decided to eat subway. after eating went to cityhall to look for royston's birthday present because today they celebrating his birthday as the actual day is tomorrow. so here comes the problem again because of choosing birthday present we quarrel again. really don't know is mine fault or his. but it seem to be both. so i asked priya to make a birthday money card and give him. but jeremy say cannot because we not marry so cannot give money. what kind of logic is that is not in red packet is on a birthday card. before that thing happen, jeremy's sister say that he need headphone so went to see and problem comes again is that he is a sound guy and of course here comes the problem of choosing a headphone. then he saw a headphone that was not bad but they don't have sample so cannot heard whether it is good or bad quality of sound. then i was like can listen can already why must be a good one !? some more is like buy for people not himself ! really no comments at all. never mind, on the way to priya's house to take the birthday money card that i asked her to help me do. i know it is very last minute and some more in the end  never give him. but never mind, i can keep it and give the next person birthday. anyway i still need to say thanks you priya for helping me within a few hour. really very beautiful and really appreciate your work. will repay you with alot of good food and teach you alot of how to be independent. after taking the card from her and after that have a long stay at her house area there for a chat. so after settle the problem that had and then headed to his aunt house. today his mum cook fish & chip eat already slack there for like about 10pm then leave the place. 

priya come my house :D

start from morning, wake up about 9.30am. prepare myself and go out with my mum to market to have breakfast and went to bring little boy as he never go school today. i think because he have not fully recover so the parent don't allow him to go to school. after that went to THE CHEVRONS to SAF eMart to help jeremy to buy his NS t-shirt. after that wait for time to meet priya. when priya have reach my area. thanks you to her for accompany me go bring my sister. at first want to go running ended never order MacDonald to eat. rest like for awhile and i decided to go running so went to so called slow jog. even though is slow jog but at least still got burnt some water. even though she accompany me by walking also not bad. my slow jog is equal to her walking. sorry never entertain her must today. but have enjoy the half day with her. finish talking about what i have done today. 2more days to go and i will be meeting jeremy and going out with him. really miss him, love him badly. nothing to talk about my feeling on how i miss a person until so bad. 

boring...

life is just nothing but boring. i know is my problem that never go look for a proper job in the first place, so ended up become that i need to suffer and doing nothing at home. i know normally people no work never mind, can stay at home do housework help mum to do this do that. it is not a bad idea but the problem is no money. people will just say no choice i only left like 2weeks to school start, where got job want me, unless i go work as promoter again. but the problem is that promoter will burn my weekend and i need to accompany my heartheart. not because i want to accompany him is i want him to accompany me. because i just only scare that i will miss him very badly until i cannot endure. i always say people confirm cannot wait, but i scare is i am the one. that why i always tell myself that i must not neglect him. i can lose anything but not him. i know what my guider say is true but love is blind. just let it be, if i really got to chose friends or jeremy. i will chose him. but i really want to know whether is just because of him that i need to change this and that because he change because of me. sometime i really feel confuse whether is i really love him or owing him just to return him. but after a long thinking i think i really love him because alot of things is slowly changing in my life because of him. i don't really mean anything just sometime i too bored at home will anyhow thinks this think that. cannot blame me, nothing to do at home just to keep using facebook, watching drama... i really very scare and i really can't take it this kind of life already. it is too simple. i realise everything is all i say, is i want simple life. too simple complaint too stress complaint i really don't know what i want. anyone can tell me, i think god also cannot help me in this. the only person who know is myself because if i myself also cannot recognise myself who can. if i don't know who i actually are who knows ? no one, only me. i think life is just always have up and down emotional. if not people will not grow up will not understand how difficult life will be and learn how to face it and overcome. i know i have been posting in blog about my life, is because this is my blog and i can post whatever feeling i really have. and people who understand that good if don't understand i have nothing say but at least is the best place to post out all the feeling that i have in my heart. but i still got alot of things want to say but don't know start from where and i myself also don't know what is it. like today talk to priya and heartheart i really feel that today i like weird weird never really listening to their talking.

slacking at home :(

everyday staying at home nothing to do just slacking and slacking until school start. really miss those day in school with my classmates. go school at least better then staying at home nothing to do. really very bored to the maximum. i really very bored, i only know that staying at  home is just nothing. only weekend can see my boyfriend because he book out. really miss him but what to do just only wait wait times will pass fly. want to look for job to work also difficult don't know what to work as and some more only left a few more days then school start. life really very bored without doing anything. at least jeremy got NS training to spent his days forme nothing but slacking at home watching drama show to pass my time. really very bored just want to faster school start but when school start i think i will rather stay at home. but what to do, this my life. even though school abit bored but never mind at least got money and time pass fast. i really regret for taking the promoter job in the first if not until now i think i still doing the admin work. but what so ever it is, what is done is already done so no point complaining now. now only waiting for time to pass for school to start counting down jeremy NS life and nothing much. when school start is counting down for holiday. life is just like this, nothing much. sometime want to blog but don't know what to blog because my english not that good and i just type whatever my heart, my mind is thinking or feeling and nothing much. some more i like don't have much true friends, really want a proper friend can't i have it ? is it my character problem or is it i treat friends for granted ? don't appreciate their helps ? i really don't know, i just want to give up on myself. don't know what to do.

NS :D

today is jeremy 1months and 5days. miss him, love him. but never mind will be seeing him soon.

19 March 2011

just reach home and is like 12midnight already and is sunday. so whatever memories that i had on saturday will update at today dates. ok, will talk about i had done yesterday. accompany my mum to fetch grandma goto back, bring jonathan go eat breakfast at KFC. bring sister from tuition to grandma house and then went to meet jeremy. reach pasir ris about 2plus. slack at his all the way until 8plus then go to elais mall to eat dinner. he spent about 100plus on the foods and drinks. but he just want to pamper the mum once in awhile because she had suffer alot in her life. cannot say too much about her, because still knowing her in progress. about 10plus going to 11pm i then board a cab headed to grandma house to meet my mum and when i reach grandma house is like 11.30pm. and she is still playing majong, waited for her like a few minute and finally she had finishing playing majong. home sweet home 3rd uncle gave cab fair to go home. reach home about 12plus. jeremy going to book in today 6,25pm at pasir ris interchange, will be meeting him in the morning for exercise and then accompany all the way until he book in. sleeping soon, nights reader update more later in the day. take care, have a nice day ahead :D

book out :D

today is jeremy book out day. can see him tomorrow, so happy. today early the morning meet hannah to go school together to register our higher nitec course. at first hannah suppose to be 1.30pm because need to help fusheng to look after her because he scare that hannah blur blur. then never mind, accompany her. then we register for higher nitec buy uniforms. after that went to priya house to slack. around 4pm go home, i think i too lazy already never go meeting. i just wonder whether i fix to be in their group. but never mind, whatever it is to me as long as i finish this year young adult leader things next year don't need to involve already. just do whatever i can now first. wondering what jeremy going to plan for me. hope got surprise.

feeling miserable :(

today suppose to go for training, but at the end of the day i just don't know why i never go. never mind, so where do i go. 6plus i leave home, walk to market to take bus to boon lay, reach boon lay eat breakfast alone, take bus 30 to bedok was feeling terrible throughtout the journey but due to no choice  i endure until i reach bedok then get a proper breathing. after that slack slack awhile, then take train to jurong east. reach jurong east walk to IMM shop around then planning to walk home then mum call me to go NTUC to buy things. so walk back to buy and then walk home. finally can rest but still need to bring my sister from school and go bring her through and fro from tuition :D so my day today is just simply pass quite fast but abit bored. due to because my throat is making a fool on me. really very pain and it make me feel like coughing like shit. tomorrow jeremy going to book out already but not going to fetch him, will be seeinng him on saturday. wondering what he is going to prepare for our date on saturday, just hope that he really got plan if not i think very bored already.

27 days :D

as usual today nothing much and it is the worse day i had. not really feeling well make until i very tired but cannot keep sleeping. so keep watch dram use facebook. but nothing much to do, never mind. today was like rotting at home like hell. just can't take it, want to go out. but no money. so just endure stay at home and see how. life is like that, no work, no school so stay at home rot. tomorrow i think will be a tiring day. hope everything will be fine. will be seeing him 3days time :D

Life sucks :D

why you want me to stop thinking, missing, love you ?? really very confusing. am i just being a sucks person in  this world ? i really don't who am i sometime, alot of things keep make me don't know what to do. it can seem that it is just small matter but i can just make it like very confusing and complicated. i really don't know. just feeling sucks like hell, i think now a days will be alot of reflection that i need to make. i think to manage my time well, if not i think i lose alot of things in my life. seriously i just want to live peaceful but it seem that i always is a failure doing it. it make me like no life, just end it maybe will not have so many problem that i need to face. i just think that i am a failure because i don't even dare to face the problem that i have and then the outcome will be confusing and complicated. after that don't know where the problem will lies on it. i really feel sucks just want heartheart shoulder to rest on it but he in NS. then why must i make myself so busy until i myself cannot even take it. life really is just like you don't know what will happen in the next moment and how am i going to overcome it.

Thinking of him (+)

got abit of quarrel with heartheart today but is not i want. i just wondering whether is it i must spent alot of time with him and don't do my things ? because the way he talk is always like as if my fault to go for my things like that. i really can let him make until i very confuse. if i say that to him, he will like say that i think too much this and that. then what can i do ? anyone can tell me ? i know he is serving NS now, but i can't always accompany him and neglect all my friends right ? i just don't know why, is it because i spent too much time with him makes me that all my friends just thinks that i don't care about them, always say that after i had a boyfriend i change. i really don't know at all. anyone can tell me ? sometime is it my fault to neglect my friends and always spent time with my boyfriend ? i really cannot manage my time well don't which one to come first and which one not important. why i have chose my boyfriend in the first is because after he was with me. he have stop going to his gathering. that why i always think that he can because of me so called lose so many true friends, so i should do like him. i just really don't am i doing the right things or wrong things. i don't think anyone can help me at all, because my heart and mind don't even know what they want and they are so confuse just want to give up everything in her life. and just enjoy and stay happy always. i really think alot of things today but this kind of life really forever challenging and need to learn to face it and overcome. i must show people that i not that weak i can do it :D

VOYAGE DE LA VIE :D

yesterday went to resort world to watch, and very funny things is that i mix resort world and universal studios. *Laugh. thanks you to my aunt for the free tickets. the show is about journey of life, if got money i will ask my friends to go along. it is really a nice show love it, but got some of the part i am scare of it. but overall i enjoy myself. lucky i got jeremy beside me to rely on it. but times really flies very fast whenever i am with him. abit sad, but never mind i am just looking forward for my wedding. *Laugh. i think i am just thinking far but no choice i just only want to faster make a family with jeremy. i think i am really crazy over him. OMG ! help me ! but now need to work earn money and then can had marry. i think i must think of studies first, everything will work hard for future. never the less, really fall deeply in love with jeremy. will never let go of my hand unless he let go. but sometime we quarrel but he really cares for me, sometime i think i still like kid toward him. because i think i need alot of love even though he had given me that much already. i just feel greedy will god punish me ? but never mind i will just be happy, and wait for him to ORD !