100 centenary marching training :D

morning wake up damn early to go for the 100 centenary marching training. i was disappointed that i cannot be a contingent commander quite sad. but what to do my life is just sucks. firstly is the friends of shuqun awards at first thought is i am the only who take how i know at the end of the day is sharon and tracy have it too. i was like what the hell. they only like contribute in girl guides and young adult leader super little. and they is like standing the same position as me, i was damn piss off. but what to do they will once very close to teacher. for me is i need to damn hard to get what i want. people is just like don't need to work that hard also can stand the same place as you. can't you feel that it is just unfair to the one that put in alot of effort. aren't they are like shy or what that they really deserve it at all. they are no longer a young adult leader and they keep let the guides to called them YA they are not shy at all ? they are just very thick skins. but what to do my lucky is always like a piece of shit. where got people will bother about me at all. just only jeremy and no one. my family i don't whether is it a family. no one will know what is my life and how i feel. because most of my friends that are around me are must more fortunate then me, whatever they want they will have it. if not they have a bunch of good friends that will care for them. to me what is friends to me ? i really don't know, sometime don;t even know how to trust a friend. because i scare to get hurt like what happen to me and tracy. it been quite a number of year friendship can say more like sister. and now we have not been talking since last and things have change. so how heart pain i am. no one know, and i really want to let go. but how ? really it need to take time to forget. really very sad and she just treat it as nothing happen at all. because she just don't even bother about me, now she got alot of friends so lose 1 or 2 friends also never mind. to me really mean alot, but what to do people just don't care about our friendship whatever for keep like want to find a time to talk things out. but now i see don't need already. just forget this fucking friendship and all the memories that i have with her. just don't want to keep anything that belongs to her. after the 100 centenary marching training went to meet jeremy at pasir ris because planning to go to his house and sleep. after that night time then go eat dinner and meeting eugene later to eat dinner. it have been very long never see him already. not miss him, is just only that to me he is really a friend that is on in anything and he will be the joker of the day. that why i always say i love my nitec life the most. because really make quite a number of nice friends. never regret go to ITE at all. so today meet jeremy later then last week. because there are alot things need to finals because the actual day is next week already. alot of things need to be done.but actually is not my problem because i not involve in it. just do saka warrant, so nothing much to prepare. so i will just fuck it, maybe also don't even bother to go for the actual day. but just be't even because of the PNA point if not i don't even bother. i really good at enduring things. like how i endure my promoter job. i will do what i need to do and i will not bother others things. because i myself know what i will be doing and don't be a kpo to like want to do this and that.

girl guide training :D

morning as usual follow mother go bring little boy and eat breakfast. after that headed home, sister today never go school because parents meeting. so slack at home until about time to go shuqun girl guide training for  speech day. very unhappy because need to face sharon and tracy but lucky i look after the speech day girls and then they go train the guides that are not involve in the speech day doing marching too. but what to do, life is just nothing but unfair. never mind, just do my part can already don't need to bother on how people think about me. today speech day not bad, but still got room of improving. i have train my best to train them already hope they will learn and remember by heart. hope to see they will be improving and not to give up on guiding. our friendship seem to end already, i don't mind with it actually. because it seem to be everyone is saying is my fault fine with it. i don't even care at all. they to me is just nothing, only my seniors and nothing. seem they want to be like this then let it be. do i seem to treat me transparent then i will just treat them nothing to me. even though we have been like so call friend like for a few years already, i think so. but to me is just nothing only lose a friend, not my life. so to me is just nothing, since when i was small until now also don't have any true friend. so is like to me i got friend or not i don't even bother. last time i do, but now if people want to make friend i will okayy. will last long, don't even know at all. after guides training end went to plaza singapura to meet priya to buy some art material and then it is like very rush. because i meeting jeremy and i was like late about 30minutes. really very sorry my darling, i will try to meet you early next time okayy ? don't be angry with me okayy ? loveeeeee youuuu always :D

priya come my house :D

start from morning, wake up about 9.30am. prepare myself and go out with my mum to market to have breakfast and went to bring little boy as he never go school today. i think because he have not fully recover so the parent don't allow him to go to school. after that went to THE CHEVRONS to SAF eMart to help jeremy to buy his NS t-shirt. after that wait for time to meet priya. when priya have reach my area. thanks you to her for accompany me go bring my sister. at first want to go running ended never order MacDonald to eat. rest like for awhile and i decided to go running so went to so called slow jog. even though is slow jog but at least still got burnt some water. even though she accompany me by walking also not bad. my slow jog is equal to her walking. sorry never entertain her must today. but have enjoy the half day with her. finish talking about what i have done today. 2more days to go and i will be meeting jeremy and going out with him. really miss him, love him badly. nothing to talk about my feeling on how i miss a person until so bad. 

24 days :D

today is jeremy book in day. another words is that i will only see him on saturday again. time past really damn slow, and really sometime breakdown due to because of missing him so much. really don't have him by my side i really don't know how am going to survive. because now he is like already in my whole life. once he is not there i think i will die and takes very long to recover. that why happen to my friend priya, really feel sad about her situation but never mind will make her happy.

best friend :D

today went out with priya to eat lunch, went to eat mad jack. but sad is that we forget to take picture. never mind next time can go take. after that she came to my house to settle her resume to send for working. because she have graduated and looking for 1 year full time job and then go study poly, but the problem is that she don't know what course she want to study. there are plenty of choice for her but the problem is that she is confuse. that is her character, after hearing about her relationship today i realise that she is a good girlfriend but the problem is that she choice to keep everything to herself then telling people. she only can express her feeling towards people is through texting or her blog. that is where she got express her feeling. this is also the guy fault, he suppose to go understand her well but he choice not too. and make himself so confuse and think that she is so complicated to understand at all. she is actually not difficult to understand her is just that he don't spend more time with her and try to understand. i know sometime things that she need to be angry she is not but not she want is just only happy and peaceful life. but alot of people don't really know about this. i just only can say that if who ever guy that can untie her heart and understand her well that will definitely last long. she really very nice girl but she really keep everything to herself. i also cannot untie her heart but the only things that i can do now is that make her happy and see what i can help her. temporary is that she can do now is to work first, study then see what next. but i really hope that she can have a guy that cares for her and understand her, she will be more then happy that she don't have to quarrel with the guy at all. she just only want a simple life and be happy. nothing much, as long as she is happy. to me she is really a good friend to me, whenever i am sad or what she will be a very good listening ear and really very patience to hear whatever things that have happen. she cannot give any advice but she is good in a way that you need her she will be by your side support you. this is like in my life have this kind of friend. not like tracy she have been like my sister for about 2 to 3 years but she seem to not understand me at all. she just think that everything she do is correct and not reflecting. same goes to sharon is seem like no different so i choice to hate her is correct. even though she really a very potential girl but always use in a wrong way. i don't always say people, i know where i am. either than that the only problem is that i don't know what i want in future that all. the rest of things is that whatever i can do now i will try my best to do, than see what can i do next. even though sometime abit late, but i rather take slowly step by step. since i am scare to become a failure and fall down. because to me is one i fall down from there i will have no courage to move on. that why whatever do i need to do research so that i will not walk the wrong patch. that why people say cherish whatever you have rather than forcing yourself so much on something that you don't really like.

friends ?

what is a friends to you people ? i really don't know, normally people the more close they are the more trustworthy they are. but to me is like i don't believe anyone of them. because i scare being betray by friends. i don't want to face that kind of things. is like family also got alot of problem i need to face and overcome it. i don't want even friends also need, i really don't like the feeling. maybe that is the reason that i don't have much good friends. funny things is that i got plenty of friends. if i don't have friends in school the problem i will have is that group work i will die. then the rest of things i don't even need to worry. i don't like people mix with you is because your look, background and more. are those people call friends ? to me they are not, is just like must mix with those that similar to them then when go out not that difficult to communicate and the way they wear. is it very important ? i was just being nothing to do no work that why got so many thinking about life, friends, family, love one and many more that is involving in my life that i need to reflect.

2011 World Thinking Day Celebrations :D

picture taken 2010 world thinking day celebrations :D

Happy 18th Birthday Rani :D

before starting posting about today program. i need to wish rani happy 18th birthday :D may all wishes/dreams will come true. and hope that you have enjoy your birthday celebration with your sister :D have an memorable birthday this year :0

happy advance thinking to guiders, young adult leaders, guides and brownies. today wake up damn early to prepare myself to go sengkang for thinking day help up. even though i wake up damn early i still late, suppose to reach there by 7.30am. i was like reach there about going to 8am. but lucky i reach there late, because went there also nothing to do. is just only wasting mine to go there. abit piss off, but what to do, need to continue to stay and endure it. the program end like about 12plus, but young adult leaders stay until about 2plus because first some of the young adult leaders control the buses after that wait for those students that sending hamper to those needed people. when they came back to sengkang store check and finally can go back. i don't really the girl guide singapore staff people and some of the guider, they are just simply very show off. they think they will always correct and smart. just example today i wearing uniform and then wear slipper. okay i know i am in wrong but you also got in wrong too if i am not in proper attire you can tell me don't need to go to like 2 person just because want me to change shirt or wear the shoe. i really don't like it, if you not happy with me come straight to me, don't like tell this guider then to my YA friend. i don't seem that she don't dare to say in front of me, she just simply lazy like a pig. next time don't let me see her again if not i will just stare and her. after we all went to eat "lunch" but i never eat anything but only drink. went to grandma house eat early dinner, thanz sheryl for polish mine nail, take a nap and then went to jurong point to buy birthday for mine stepfather. that all for today program, tomorrow will be another boring day, because go see band concert.

what is friends ?

what is friends for? i really wonder, is it need you then they will treat you very nice after that don't need to than heck care you. i really don't know, because i don't really believe in friendship. because which one is true friends which one is just only make use of me. i cannot identify it, maybe i think i just thinks that everything will be fine without friends. but the problem comes when you don't have a friends that can heart to heart talk, go shopping whereas mine boyfriend don't really like. some more the worst things is that mine boyfriend going to NS soon who is going out with me? who is celebrating mine birthday with me? i don't know, will they remember mine birthday? there are too many questions i am asking myself. is it i don't trust anyone and chose to trust anyone make until myself like very selfish. i really don't how to solve this kind of problem. people problem i can give advice this and that but it happen on me, i really don't know how to do it. just confuse, i scare this scare that then i forever will not find a true friends where by they will care about you help you solve your problem be there for you when you breakdown will not look down on you will not betray you. there is alot of things that will come to mine mind whether should i trust this this this. i think i am the only one that i will think that, it is like very stupid lor. if like that they will just think that i don't trust them so what the point to be mine friends. so i always act that i can clique with them, but to me i feel that i am always very extra being there. example like mine young adult are like english educated all study like ploy, JC, university me ITE. i know they don't mind but sometime i do mind. because i got alot of things they know i don't know. will always thinks how long can our friendship last? what will happen if one day i was lonely only the path with no friendship no relationship no family. i think in this world i will be lonely. but i think the only things will not really happen is family, no matter how naughty i am family will still the best because they know better, understand me. even though something argue but only for awhile and then talk to each other again. that why people say family is always the best. even though how much bad things we do they believe that we will responsible for the act that i do. friendship i will not say anything just see what kind of fate friends i will make.