morning wake up damn early to go for the 100 centenary marching training. i was disappointed that i cannot be a contingent commander quite sad. but what to do my life is just sucks. firstly is the friends of shuqun awards at first thought is i am the only who take how i know at the end of the day is sharon and tracy have it too. i was like what the hell. they only like contribute in girl guides and young adult leader super little. and they is like standing the same position as me, i was damn piss off. but what to do they will once very close to teacher. for me is i need to damn hard to get what i want. people is just like don't need to work that hard also can stand the same place as you. can't you feel that it is just unfair to the one that put in alot of effort. aren't they are like shy or what that they really deserve it at all. they are no longer a young adult leader and they keep let the guides to called them YA they are not shy at all ? they are just very thick skins. but what to do my lucky is always like a piece of shit. where got people will bother about me at all. just only jeremy and no one. my family i don't whether is it a family. no one will know what is my life and how i feel. because most of my friends that are around me are must more fortunate then me, whatever they want they will have it. if not they have a bunch of good friends that will care for them. to me what is friends to me ? i really don't know, sometime don;t even know how to trust a friend. because i scare to get hurt like what happen to me and tracy. it been quite a number of year friendship can say more like sister. and now we have not been talking since last and things have change. so how heart pain i am. no one know, and i really want to let go. but how ? really it need to take time to forget. really very sad and she just treat it as nothing happen at all. because she just don't even bother about me, now she got alot of friends so lose 1 or 2 friends also never mind. to me really mean alot, but what to do people just don't care about our friendship whatever for keep like want to find a time to talk things out. but now i see don't need already. just forget this fucking friendship and all the memories that i have with her. just don't want to keep anything that belongs to her. after the 100 centenary marching training went to meet jeremy at pasir ris because planning to go to his house and sleep. after that night time then go eat dinner and meeting eugene later to eat dinner. it have been very long never see him already. not miss him, is just only that to me he is really a friend that is on in anything and he will be the joker of the day. that why i always say i love my nitec life the most. because really make quite a number of nice friends. never regret go to ITE at all. so today meet jeremy later then last week. because there are alot things need to finals because the actual day is next week already. alot of things need to be done.but actually is not my problem because i not involve in it. just do saka warrant, so nothing much to prepare. so i will just fuck it, maybe also don't even bother to go for the actual day. but just be't even because of the PNA point if not i don't even bother. i really good at enduring things. like how i endure my promoter job. i will do what i need to do and i will not bother others things. because i myself know what i will be doing and don't be a kpo to like want to do this and that.
