life..

morning follow my mum go bring little boy and he never go to school. then we will like waited for him about 1hour and then came to the bus stop. never mind, then headed back home.about coming to 3pm went to shuqun for speech day training. as i helping mama liang to look after the guides and also train their marching. today training not that bad but they still need to improve their marching. to me is still not good because my marching standard is also very high. so sometime i just want to let them be prefect. am i doing the wrong things ? sometime i really don't know whether am i doing right or just want to show people that guides is only doing girl girl thing they also can do the hard training. i really have no idea, is it my problem or the guides member problem ? just hope all the training can be successful and they can have the feel of happiness when they are in guides meeting. i just don't like people who chose CCA because of CCA points and just anyhow chose. and then at the end of secondary school life they just regret joining the CCA that they have during secondary school. i just to train the guides to be a better person and really learn and know what they doing during the guiding life. like this at least when go ITE, POLY, JC or whatever school. when your friends will like ask what CCA you are in and what have you learn from your CCA. those people who don't know like the CCA they will just say how bad is the CCA and make it like from vitamin to culprit. after that about 6plus 7pm my dad came back home. he went to collect CDAC gifts, and the vouchers that he get is like ending tomorrow so only today we got time then we decide to go today after my sister tuition. so we like have $100 vouchers of BATA shop + POPULAR. so headed to jurong point to buy school shoe for my sister and go popular to buy stationary and whatever things that we need.  headed back home, reach about 9plus 10pm home. that end of my day. and today i miss jeremy waiting for him to book out on friday. 

missing him right now :D

today as usual again wake up early the morning follow my mum went to bring little boy, after that headed back home and rest. while waiting for my sister to end school. because my mother planning to bring them go library. when my sister reach home, ask her whether she got homework. then she got homework, after finish then went to library. about 4plus we reach library taking some of the book to read. stay there until about 6plus then leave the library headed back home. that end of my day.

book in :D

afternoon went with my mum go fetch my sister from tuition and then go eat our lunch. after that headed to jurong point to top-up ez-link. then went to take train to meet jeremy. so i reach paris ris about 3plus and headed to his house and slack until about 6plus went to eat our dinner at his market and then headed back to his house. he had change and prepare to go pasir ris for his book in about 8pm. even though time passes very fast and our weekend had ended. i am worry about when my NDP training starting soon i scare i got less time with him. how ? i really don't know what to do.

Royston's 22 birthday :D

i am really very sorry to jeremy for letting him waited for me so long. i really don't mean anything at all. thanks you for buying me KOI to drink even though not bad but is you buy the so is always very sweet even though  is bitter. after that thinking of what to eat and decided to eat subway. after eating went to cityhall to look for royston's birthday present because today they celebrating his birthday as the actual day is tomorrow. so here comes the problem again because of choosing birthday present we quarrel again. really don't know is mine fault or his. but it seem to be both. so i asked priya to make a birthday money card and give him. but jeremy say cannot because we not marry so cannot give money. what kind of logic is that is not in red packet is on a birthday card. before that thing happen, jeremy's sister say that he need headphone so went to see and problem comes again is that he is a sound guy and of course here comes the problem of choosing a headphone. then he saw a headphone that was not bad but they don't have sample so cannot heard whether it is good or bad quality of sound. then i was like can listen can already why must be a good one !? some more is like buy for people not himself ! really no comments at all. never mind, on the way to priya's house to take the birthday money card that i asked her to help me do. i know it is very last minute and some more in the end  never give him. but never mind, i can keep it and give the next person birthday. anyway i still need to say thanks you priya for helping me within a few hour. really very beautiful and really appreciate your work. will repay you with alot of good food and teach you alot of how to be independent. after taking the card from her and after that have a long stay at her house area there for a chat. so after settle the problem that had and then headed to his aunt house. today his mum cook fish & chip eat already slack there for like about 10pm then leave the place. 

book out :D

jeremy today book out already, will be seeing him tomorrow after my training. hope everything will be fine. have been missing him badly but what to do suck thumb. but i know that i will definitely wait for him until he finish NS and forever by his side. marry to him make small family and happily ever after.

priya come my house :D

start from morning, wake up about 9.30am. prepare myself and go out with my mum to market to have breakfast and went to bring little boy as he never go school today. i think because he have not fully recover so the parent don't allow him to go to school. after that went to THE CHEVRONS to SAF eMart to help jeremy to buy his NS t-shirt. after that wait for time to meet priya. when priya have reach my area. thanks you to her for accompany me go bring my sister. at first want to go running ended never order MacDonald to eat. rest like for awhile and i decided to go running so went to so called slow jog. even though is slow jog but at least still got burnt some water. even though she accompany me by walking also not bad. my slow jog is equal to her walking. sorry never entertain her must today. but have enjoy the half day with her. finish talking about what i have done today. 2more days to go and i will be meeting jeremy and going out with him. really miss him, love him badly. nothing to talk about my feeling on how i miss a person until so bad. 

boring...

life is just nothing but boring. i know is my problem that never go look for a proper job in the first place, so ended up become that i need to suffer and doing nothing at home. i know normally people no work never mind, can stay at home do housework help mum to do this do that. it is not a bad idea but the problem is no money. people will just say no choice i only left like 2weeks to school start, where got job want me, unless i go work as promoter again. but the problem is that promoter will burn my weekend and i need to accompany my heartheart. not because i want to accompany him is i want him to accompany me. because i just only scare that i will miss him very badly until i cannot endure. i always say people confirm cannot wait, but i scare is i am the one. that why i always tell myself that i must not neglect him. i can lose anything but not him. i know what my guider say is true but love is blind. just let it be, if i really got to chose friends or jeremy. i will chose him. but i really want to know whether is just because of him that i need to change this and that because he change because of me. sometime i really feel confuse whether is i really love him or owing him just to return him. but after a long thinking i think i really love him because alot of things is slowly changing in my life because of him. i don't really mean anything just sometime i too bored at home will anyhow thinks this think that. cannot blame me, nothing to do at home just to keep using facebook, watching drama... i really very scare and i really can't take it this kind of life already. it is too simple. i realise everything is all i say, is i want simple life. too simple complaint too stress complaint i really don't know what i want. anyone can tell me, i think god also cannot help me in this. the only person who know is myself because if i myself also cannot recognise myself who can. if i don't know who i actually are who knows ? no one, only me. i think life is just always have up and down emotional. if not people will not grow up will not understand how difficult life will be and learn how to face it and overcome. i know i have been posting in blog about my life, is because this is my blog and i can post whatever feeling i really have. and people who understand that good if don't understand i have nothing say but at least is the best place to post out all the feeling that i have in my heart. but i still got alot of things want to say but don't know start from where and i myself also don't know what is it. like today talk to priya and heartheart i really feel that today i like weird weird never really listening to their talking.

slacking at home :(

everyday staying at home nothing to do just slacking and slacking until school start. really miss those day in school with my classmates. go school at least better then staying at home nothing to do. really very bored to the maximum. i really very bored, i only know that staying at  home is just nothing. only weekend can see my boyfriend because he book out. really miss him but what to do just only wait wait times will pass fly. want to look for job to work also difficult don't know what to work as and some more only left a few more days then school start. life really very bored without doing anything. at least jeremy got NS training to spent his days forme nothing but slacking at home watching drama show to pass my time. really very bored just want to faster school start but when school start i think i will rather stay at home. but what to do, this my life. even though school abit bored but never mind at least got money and time pass fast. i really regret for taking the promoter job in the first if not until now i think i still doing the admin work. but what so ever it is, what is done is already done so no point complaining now. now only waiting for time to pass for school to start counting down jeremy NS life and nothing much. when school start is counting down for holiday. life is just like this, nothing much. sometime want to blog but don't know what to blog because my english not that good and i just type whatever my heart, my mind is thinking or feeling and nothing much. some more i like don't have much true friends, really want a proper friend can't i have it ? is it my character problem or is it i treat friends for granted ? don't appreciate their helps ? i really don't know, i just want to give up on myself. don't know what to do.

19 March 2011

just reach home and is like 12midnight already and is sunday. so whatever memories that i had on saturday will update at today dates. ok, will talk about i had done yesterday. accompany my mum to fetch grandma goto back, bring jonathan go eat breakfast at KFC. bring sister from tuition to grandma house and then went to meet jeremy. reach pasir ris about 2plus. slack at his all the way until 8plus then go to elais mall to eat dinner. he spent about 100plus on the foods and drinks. but he just want to pamper the mum once in awhile because she had suffer alot in her life. cannot say too much about her, because still knowing her in progress. about 10plus going to 11pm i then board a cab headed to grandma house to meet my mum and when i reach grandma house is like 11.30pm. and she is still playing majong, waited for her like a few minute and finally she had finishing playing majong. home sweet home 3rd uncle gave cab fair to go home. reach home about 12plus. jeremy going to book in today 6,25pm at pasir ris interchange, will be meeting him in the morning for exercise and then accompany all the way until he book in. sleeping soon, nights reader update more later in the day. take care, have a nice day ahead :D

feeling miserable :(

today suppose to go for training, but at the end of the day i just don't know why i never go. never mind, so where do i go. 6plus i leave home, walk to market to take bus to boon lay, reach boon lay eat breakfast alone, take bus 30 to bedok was feeling terrible throughtout the journey but due to no choice  i endure until i reach bedok then get a proper breathing. after that slack slack awhile, then take train to jurong east. reach jurong east walk to IMM shop around then planning to walk home then mum call me to go NTUC to buy things. so walk back to buy and then walk home. finally can rest but still need to bring my sister from school and go bring her through and fro from tuition :D so my day today is just simply pass quite fast but abit bored. due to because my throat is making a fool on me. really very pain and it make me feel like coughing like shit. tomorrow jeremy going to book out already but not going to fetch him, will be seeinng him on saturday. wondering what he is going to prepare for our date on saturday, just hope that he really got plan if not i think very bored already.

Thinking of him (+)

got abit of quarrel with heartheart today but is not i want. i just wondering whether is it i must spent alot of time with him and don't do my things ? because the way he talk is always like as if my fault to go for my things like that. i really can let him make until i very confuse. if i say that to him, he will like say that i think too much this and that. then what can i do ? anyone can tell me ? i know he is serving NS now, but i can't always accompany him and neglect all my friends right ? i just don't know why, is it because i spent too much time with him makes me that all my friends just thinks that i don't care about them, always say that after i had a boyfriend i change. i really don't know at all. anyone can tell me ? sometime is it my fault to neglect my friends and always spent time with my boyfriend ? i really cannot manage my time well don't which one to come first and which one not important. why i have chose my boyfriend in the first is because after he was with me. he have stop going to his gathering. that why i always think that he can because of me so called lose so many true friends, so i should do like him. i just really don't am i doing the right things or wrong things. i don't think anyone can help me at all, because my heart and mind don't even know what they want and they are so confuse just want to give up everything in her life. and just enjoy and stay happy always. i really think alot of things today but this kind of life really forever challenging and need to learn to face it and overcome. i must show people that i not that weak i can do it :D

VOYAGE DE LA VIE :D

yesterday went to resort world to watch, and very funny things is that i mix resort world and universal studios. *Laugh. thanks you to my aunt for the free tickets. the show is about journey of life, if got money i will ask my friends to go along. it is really a nice show love it, but got some of the part i am scare of it. but overall i enjoy myself. lucky i got jeremy beside me to rely on it. but times really flies very fast whenever i am with him. abit sad, but never mind i am just looking forward for my wedding. *Laugh. i think i am just thinking far but no choice i just only want to faster make a family with jeremy. i think i am really crazy over him. OMG ! help me ! but now need to work earn money and then can had marry. i think i must think of studies first, everything will work hard for future. never the less, really fall deeply in love with jeremy. will never let go of my hand unless he let go. but sometime we quarrel but he really cares for me, sometime i think i still like kid toward him. because i think i need alot of love even though he had given me that much already. i just feel greedy will god punish me ? but never mind i will just be happy, and wait for him to ORD !

24 days :D

today is jeremy book in day. another words is that i will only see him on saturday again. time past really damn slow, and really sometime breakdown due to because of missing him so much. really don't have him by my side i really don't know how am going to survive. because now he is like already in my whole life. once he is not there i think i will die and takes very long to recover. that why happen to my friend priya, really feel sad about her situation but never mind will make her happy.

best friend :D

today went out with priya to eat lunch, went to eat mad jack. but sad is that we forget to take picture. never mind next time can go take. after that she came to my house to settle her resume to send for working. because she have graduated and looking for 1 year full time job and then go study poly, but the problem is that she don't know what course she want to study. there are plenty of choice for her but the problem is that she is confuse. that is her character, after hearing about her relationship today i realise that she is a good girlfriend but the problem is that she choice to keep everything to herself then telling people. she only can express her feeling towards people is through texting or her blog. that is where she got express her feeling. this is also the guy fault, he suppose to go understand her well but he choice not too. and make himself so confuse and think that she is so complicated to understand at all. she is actually not difficult to understand her is just that he don't spend more time with her and try to understand. i know sometime things that she need to be angry she is not but not she want is just only happy and peaceful life. but alot of people don't really know about this. i just only can say that if who ever guy that can untie her heart and understand her well that will definitely last long. she really very nice girl but she really keep everything to herself. i also cannot untie her heart but the only things that i can do now is that make her happy and see what i can help her. temporary is that she can do now is to work first, study then see what next. but i really hope that she can have a guy that cares for her and understand her, she will be more then happy that she don't have to quarrel with the guy at all. she just only want a simple life and be happy. nothing much, as long as she is happy. to me she is really a good friend to me, whenever i am sad or what she will be a very good listening ear and really very patience to hear whatever things that have happen. she cannot give any advice but she is good in a way that you need her she will be by your side support you. this is like in my life have this kind of friend. not like tracy she have been like my sister for about 2 to 3 years but she seem to not understand me at all. she just think that everything she do is correct and not reflecting. same goes to sharon is seem like no different so i choice to hate her is correct. even though she really a very potential girl but always use in a wrong way. i don't always say people, i know where i am. either than that the only problem is that i don't know what i want in future that all. the rest of things is that whatever i can do now i will try my best to do, than see what can i do next. even though sometime abit late, but i rather take slowly step by step. since i am scare to become a failure and fall down. because to me is one i fall down from there i will have no courage to move on. that why whatever do i need to do research so that i will not walk the wrong patch. that why people say cherish whatever you have rather than forcing yourself so much on something that you don't really like.

19days :D

today nothing much to do, slack at home now a days again. because never go out then stay at home, no work. so now waiting for school to start still got 1months 3days to school start. another 4 more days and i will see jeremy, 3 more days will be meeting priya going mad jack to eat lunch. can't wait to meet them man. yesterday mrs liang call me to help up for the guides. she ask me what happen to me and tracy, sharon. i was like just never contact. then she tell me about her past, that because of her boyfriend she have lost some of her girlfriends. some more her boyfriend now which is her husband is anti-social. i was like understand how she feel but to me is that why must i always contact them, to them they will think that when i need her then contact her if not i don't even contact her is it ? i just will stop contact with them and will prepare her last birthday present and we will not be friend anymore unless she contact me.

Birthday celebrations :D

this year have nothing much, dad give me 50 dollar for a birthday gift. mum treat me go new york new york eat. and this year is special is that my mum cook mian sian give me, that is the best birthday gift. even though i keep make noise to ask her make she insist not cook. but at the end of the day she cook for me, so touching. really love my mummy to the max. no matter how i make her angry everyday she will still care for me and take good care of me :D that why i say when i marry already i will definitely give her a better living. she always say that any life will do as long as everyone is healthy, got food to eat got water to shower and many more. as for today birthday celebrations nothing much, this year one is with family without my dad because he is working night shift. my love is in NS, but he will repay on our anniversary. i will wait and see what kind of surprise he will give me. just wait and see, really can't wait. but i think he still have not thinks of what he want to do. because he got plenty of things need to do. but never mind even though it is very simple. at the end of the day i am happy not because of the surprise is that he is beside me. so no matter is simple until need to eat foodcourt i also don't mind, because got him beside me. can't wait to see him have change in size, colour in skin and more.

Esplanade concert hall (--)

wake up about 10plus, wash up shower and preparing for going to watch BEAUTIFUL SUNDAY CONCERT by Mus' Art Wind Orchestra. is like what the hell this is like mine first time go watch this kind of concert. because normally i see people marching and doing tough things in my life. the concert not that bad, almost fall asleep. because i think not use to it some more i think still tired. but the music really can make you really fall sleep too classic, the part i like is the ending because is fast song and i think is last few song then can go home. *Laugh. overall not that bad, if next time i bring my dearest heartheart i confirm he will definitely fall asleep. our life is just see the world that is outside not inside the theatre. but in life there are always first time, so not surprise at all. in life there are plenty of surprise that we can't expect the only things that we can do is to get prepared for good, bad or worse things that will happen in life. need to think how am i going to face it and overcome it. must think whether is good for me or bad, if bad try not to make it happen. try to solve it, if can't ask for help from others. as for today the trip to esplanade is free because we take school transport through and fro. i always think when can my sister become good girl and behave herself. sometime she really can be a good girl but sometime she really can make you boil water. so really don't know how, maybe must wait until she go to secondary school she will become mature like me ? because my mum got tell me before that when i am my sister this is also mischievous. until when i went to secondary school become mature will think better. but i know that i have change when i started to pick up in leadership in guides. really i want to thanks my teachers that have build me up until today, but i think i need to sorry to them because i think this year will be my last year as a young adult leader. i thinking not to be a young adult leader next year onwards. the reason just that i cannot commit anymore and i not suit to be there. maybe i think i not confident enough to be there, because everyone there are educated people and i can't compare with them at all. but i really appreciate to have them as my friends, really do enjoy with them during young adult leader meeting outing. simply during days with them chatting, shopping, playing and many more i really do enjoy to have them as my friends. i will keep everything in my memory i will not forget your unless you all do.

family (+)

what is family about ? i really don't know. just that to me family is just nothing, is just simply eat sleep and place to hide. to me i think i got a father or don't have no different. because my real father don't want me, when i was like about 1 year old having a very high fever he don't even bother bring me go give doctor see. i can just say that i am lucky that god save me and my brain almost get damage. all this things really thanks to my real father. after that my mum remarry because her friend keep ask her to give a proper family to stay. okay then my mum remarry i got a stepfather. so no different, the only things is good about it is that he don't have much money but can feed me until now. after that my mum give birth to a younger sister for me. then things change he more pamper more on her daughter then me. so what if he feed since i was like in kindergarten. he don't even know what i want, i just want a simple family and hope that he can treat me and my sister equally. but never mind, it have been like 18years already. and i am going to turn 19years old after that wait for another 2years i will be independent. i will stop letting him to control me. the way he treat me is just like adopting me, don't need to care so much. don't care about how people feeling just say in front of the person those nasty words. i have more then enough about this things, but no choice also because of my mum. i don't want her because of me become unhappy, i want her to be happy every single day. in this the only person that will treat me good and really care for me are my mum and grandma before i met jeremy. they really is very important to me if anyone dare to touch them or bully i will confirm go settle with the person. i will not care whether they are whoever they have no right to judge at me except both of them. they are the one that really care for me, they understand me and courage me to go for it if i think it is correct. they will definitely give me their moral support. not like my stepfather, just don't know why other people stepfather treat her damn good. not like mind, just only will spend money on her own daughter. not even my mum can step in. to me he is just nothing, he just like a uncle that support me on everything because my mum not working so everything is him who hard earn all the money. as for this i will confirm repay me when i grow up, but after clear so called the debt i will just ignore him. and continue to support my mum life. because she is the most important to me. no one can take over except jeremy ong bee teck. he is the guy that really care me alot and make me can really depend on him trust him. before he came into my life, i was just independent and stand alone. really thanks god for giving me such a good boyfriend i will definitely cherish it well.

will continue blog tomorrow because i too tired.

happy valentine day (Y)

thank you jeremy for the valentine day celebration today, even though nothing much is just like normal what do during dating. but i am really very happy because you are at my side. to me i don't know what normal girls want a rose to represent that i love you or whatever reason. no matter how many rose you buy i will just leave it there and nothing i can do to it. so i rather have it a simple one and don't need to waste alot of money. just take today went to watch movie $8.50 eat dinner $12 lastly ♥ home sweet home but i feel bad is that ask eugene to join us but i need to clarified that i ask him before i do anything. so he decided to go and celebrate valentine day with me and heartheart jeremy. i know to some of the people that are single they will just feel boring and they think that they should go out during valentine day. to me valentine day is not only for couple also for single and family. i know how he feel about it, even though he say don't want to find a girlfriend. it is not he don't have is he have no courage to confess his feeling, he scare that they will reject him. so he rather be friends with them then stranger, no choice that is him. just god bless him that he can find his ms right soon :D i don't know whether is it i too care for them until they will fall in love me. i think i think too much, we all are just friends. i wish all with couple last long forever, single hope you find your mr/ms right, family stay health cherish all the moments with them and stay happy :D