boring...

life is just nothing but boring. i know is my problem that never go look for a proper job in the first place, so ended up become that i need to suffer and doing nothing at home. i know normally people no work never mind, can stay at home do housework help mum to do this do that. it is not a bad idea but the problem is no money. people will just say no choice i only left like 2weeks to school start, where got job want me, unless i go work as promoter again. but the problem is that promoter will burn my weekend and i need to accompany my heartheart. not because i want to accompany him is i want him to accompany me. because i just only scare that i will miss him very badly until i cannot endure. i always say people confirm cannot wait, but i scare is i am the one. that why i always tell myself that i must not neglect him. i can lose anything but not him. i know what my guider say is true but love is blind. just let it be, if i really got to chose friends or jeremy. i will chose him. but i really want to know whether is just because of him that i need to change this and that because he change because of me. sometime i really feel confuse whether is i really love him or owing him just to return him. but after a long thinking i think i really love him because alot of things is slowly changing in my life because of him. i don't really mean anything just sometime i too bored at home will anyhow thinks this think that. cannot blame me, nothing to do at home just to keep using facebook, watching drama... i really very scare and i really can't take it this kind of life already. it is too simple. i realise everything is all i say, is i want simple life. too simple complaint too stress complaint i really don't know what i want. anyone can tell me, i think god also cannot help me in this. the only person who know is myself because if i myself also cannot recognise myself who can. if i don't know who i actually are who knows ? no one, only me. i think life is just always have up and down emotional. if not people will not grow up will not understand how difficult life will be and learn how to face it and overcome. i know i have been posting in blog about my life, is because this is my blog and i can post whatever feeling i really have. and people who understand that good if don't understand i have nothing say but at least is the best place to post out all the feeling that i have in my heart. but i still got alot of things want to say but don't know start from where and i myself also don't know what is it. like today talk to priya and heartheart i really feel that today i like weird weird never really listening to their talking.