breakdown (!)

just surprise that my mum will ask my relatives to come my house, at first meeting heartheart de. due to my mum need my help but actually the fact is that she scare that my 3uncle will say things. then my stepfather will know, she scare that my stepfather will be angry and i will kana until very jialat. then i have no other choice only things is stay at home. abit not happy but no choice if i quarrel with my mum things will become worse. because now a days there are alot of things happening like one whole stress. some more my mum say already alot of things happen now a days her attitude is not that go. so try not to make her piss off, if not i think i will suffer and she will not feel good. i just want jeremy to understand this things but he choice not to. really very disappointed towards him, but also cannot blame him la. it is also mine fault, let him plan so many things and then disappoint him. but i really want to like this, as if i feel good. i more heart pain then you, i just don't want to let you worry about this kind of stupid things. i know sometime you want give me surprise. sometime life is like unpredictable, i already tell you before if you want to last long you must understand mine life if not no point together. i am not angry to say this just want to give you sometime to reflect and calm down. i was like always because of that at first suppose to meet you then you go plan until very nice then i always the one who break it. really not my fault just say that i am your jinx that always destroy your planning. i am not angry or what, just want to go think what i want and what you want. i really sometime don't understand you that deep, i just want to try my best to understand like how you understand me. i don't know, just totally sad and say nothing. just want your shoulder to lean against but i don't think i will have it. i think you also angry about it, that i don't answer your call where by you are not in the wrong. but just want to say i am really very sorry about what have been done during our relationship. just wait for each other to calm down then see how things will become. i am totally breakdown.